Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
In other news, I just burned my penis
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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