I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
