dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
