I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
