Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
