As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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