She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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