i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
