I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
