5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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