shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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