We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
