Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
