she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
