So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
