Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
