Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
