why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
