Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
