I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
