The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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