She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
