OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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