just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
