I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
