Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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