I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
