Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
