this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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