Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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