I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
