Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
