u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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