By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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