I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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