I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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