You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
