I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
