god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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