I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
