I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
