I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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