You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
