i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
