Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
