I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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