I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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