I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
