my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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