Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
soo... how was my night?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
