If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
