three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
