At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
